If only
by Manas Doll
Summary: Kagome has been missing for a month. Inuyasha comes to find her, and what he finds ruins him...forever. rated for IY's mouth!


A/N this takes place after Kagome she's Inuyasha and Kikyou kiss for the first time, you know when she was pinned to the tree and Kikyou tried to drag I/Y to hell? Yeah now you remember. It was an early episode and I just watched it over again. I hope you like this!  
  
Inuyasha: Kaylie des now own me, Kagome, or anyone else. The makes me out to be a retard! Do you really think the owed of Inuyasha would do that!!!  
  
If only....  
  
Where THE hell is Kagome? She hasn't been back since...since she seen me with Kikyou... that was over a month ago! I hope she's ok. She would have come back if it was just because of Kikyou. That bastard Naraku must have gotten to her! If he laid one finger on her I'll-"Are you alright Inu- Yasha?" The monk asked me, I bet she came back and that hentai scared her off, or raped her or something!  
"Hell no!" I snapped glaring down at him from my tree. "Why would I be Ok?"  
"Calm yourself!"  
"No you calm your self! This is all your fault you baka hentai!" I jumped from my tree and ran through the dry forest towards the bone-eaters well, leaving Sango, Miroku and Shippou staring after me, their eyes wide.  
If she's in danger or worse it's my entire fault for not going earlier, I thought biting my lip, why do I care so much about that little wench? I hoped into the well and chewed on my lip some more. Could it be that I love her? She is the reincarnation of my first love, is that the only reason I'm feeling this? Or is it deeper? True?  
I jumped out and looked around. Everything was perfectly normal; But Kagome's sent was faint, Very faint. The 21st centaury was not my favorite place to be, those colorful demons Kagome called 'cars' scare me and all the children are little bastards. Wow! Maybe that's why she left! I'm a bastard! EPP!  
"Mrs. Higurashi!" I yelled storming into her house, she was in the kitchen her eyes rimmed in red and blood shot as though she had been crying for hours. She sniffed softly and didn't seem to notice me. "Mrs. Higurashi!" I repeated more urgently. She noticed me then and pretended to smile.  
"Hello Inu-Yasha," she replied attempting to sound positive, she failed, severely. "What are you doing this fine super bowl day?"  
"Where's Kagome?" I demanded, her face fell and her eyes filled with tears, the salty scent filled the air as they flowed down her face.  
"She's in the hospital...on her death bed..." She chocked fidgeting nervously with a bit of paper. I felt my jaw drop and my eyes widen  
"WHAT?" I cried turning around and running outside. What's a hospital? Is it a pit where they keep hostages? I'm so confused! I began to run in circles then collapsed to the ground in the fetal position. I'll sniff her down! I thought jumping up. As long as they don't come and take me away to the 'funny farm' –whatever that is- I'll be fine. Meh "Mommy!" a little bastard child whined staring at me. "What is it?" "Oh go piss in the corner of a circular room!" I snapped continuing on my way to the 'hostage pit'. Urgh! I should have come earlier! That stupid bitches scent is gone now! I'll never be able to find it now! So I'll just have to look for a pit.  
I stood up and looked around, the 'cars' were everywhere making it hard for me to breathe. Stupid miasma.  
"Hey." I said bending over a motionless 'car.' It ignored me. "HOW DARE YOU IGNORE ME!" I yelled pulling out the Tetsusgia and beating the car with it. It still ignored me.  
I passed by shops, with words on the fronts such as ' pharmacy' and 'sexy secrets.' This is such a odd place, I thought as finally I came across a large brick castle with a sign out front that said 'Tokyo Hospital.'  
I entered and found a woman standing behind a large chunk of wood. " Whore, do you know where Kagome Higurashi is?" I demanded sniffing her.  
"Now what kind of language is that?" She asked smiling sweetly. I shuddered, reaching out my left arm and picking her up by the neck.  
"Now where did you say she was?" I asked she managed to choke out 'room 102 first floor. I placed her back on the ground then walked away. As soon as I was around the corner she muttered bastard. "I heard that, wench!" I yelled sticking my head back around the corner.  
I continued on through the brightly lit hospital. Everything smelt...too clean. Yes, that was it, too clean. And it was too silent. I could barely take it.  
I entered the room and stared. She lay there on the bed, her eyes closed, her hands balled into tight fists by her sides. Her skin clung to her bones, and I could see every tiny bone in her face and arms. Her curves had diminished, and were no more. Her breasts, which were once full, were now flat and childish. But her face, that was what scared me. It was like a skull, and her eyes were sunken deep into it. This couldn't be Kagome. I wouldn't belie this was my once beautiful angel. But I had to; despite the scent of near death I could smell her beautiful scent. Only now it was weak. I stepped up to the bedside and she opened her eyes. "Hello, Inuyasha." She snapped with such bitterness it scared me. Her voice. It was no longer melodic or soft and sweet, and was hard and cruel, and snapped like a whip. "I'm glad to see you've come to witness me die. You've destroyed two women now, you know that?" "W-what?" I asked, she didn't answer she just glared. "What happened to you?"  
"Anorexia Arsenic Suicide." She snapped her eyes were dull, but now they held anger, I remembered that look. It was the look Kikyou had given me before I was pinned to that tree. "You...you never cared about me, all you ever wanted was your whore, Kikyou. If am right you were probably just thinking of her. Anyway, I refused to eat, after I seen you making out with that horny bitch! So I stopped eating, and whatever I did eat was loaded with deadly arsenic." I brought my hand to her hair impulsively to stroke it. I gasped in horror and removed my hand.  
Her once silken tresses were and rough as a horses tail, and the strands came out on my fingers. "I no longer remind you of her do I? She what you've done!! I was once beautiful, my friends were popular, and so was I! All because of you all that is gone now!!  
"You won't care when I'm dead. And Sango, she's been regarding me differently, yet she can live with Miroku, she can settle. And he can settle for her. They can console each other, and will quickly forget all about sweet pure of heart virginal Kagome!  
"And Shippou is young, he'll get over it. In a few years he'll be happy, and won't even remember the word kagome!"  
I took a deep breath and stared down at Kagome. "I love you Kagome." She smirked at me then her eyes went wide and she sunk into the pillow, the scent of death filled the air. Where's Sesshomaru when you need him? I thought angrily and turned away, running from the hospital and to my time.  
  
Years have passed, the wheel of time continued, but for me everything seemed the same. As they say SSDD same shit different day. Kagome's departure from this world left a huge hole in my heart: A hole that will never heal.  
Miroku and Sango are married with a child; a child without the dreaded kazaana for Naraku is dead, as are his incarnations. The old hag is dead as well, as is the clay pot that Kikyou now is.  
Little Shippou, it took him a while to get over Kagome's passing, but he's normal again, he has become friends with that little girl who Sesshomaru adopted.  
And I? I still mope around. But I've made up with my brother, and I have become a respected member of society, and I was there when the well was closed. I'll never visit my beloveds' grave, but I never got to her funeral either, it was sealed the day after I returned from discovering her death. I didn't want another to have her life wrecked because of this time era.  
My relationship with Kagome, never was, and now never will be. Yes in my heart I loved her dearly but...But I was too weak to admit it until she took her dying breath. The dying breath only I was present to witness. The dying breath that I will remember until I take mine.  
As a song she once let me listen to said 'perfect by nature.' She was perfect by nature, everyone who met her knew that...and I...I ruined all of that. If only I hadn't acted so foolish, maybe things would be different. If only.  
I draw out the Tetsusgia. The pain...it has become to great, it's engulfing my soul, and leaving me so...so empty. I drive it through my stomach over and over again, feeling the blood run from the wounds. I don't try to stop it. _Kagome I'm coming...if only I could have spoke up sooner._ I think as everything begins to go dark.   
I close my eyes, now to weak to move. Faintly I hear Sango screaming, and I wonder where she came from. But it dosn't matter any more...nothing does....if only.

THE END  
  
My second one shot! My first Kagome/Inuyasha one shot, my first ficcie that places Miroku and Sango together, and my only ficcie where Inuyasha and Sesshomaru become friends! Please review!!!


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